SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I've posted on some rough days, so i just wanted to post on a good day.

Currently going through a in house separation with hopes of R.

We had a discussion about boundaries and what healing looks like for each of us. She knows what im working towards, and I know what she is working towards. The boundaries I set are catered to my needs, and the boundaries she set are catered to her needs. We also spoke about the importance of respecting each other's boundaries.

We set aside a day of the week to check in with each other emotionally and talk about it. It's been nice to be able to talk to her about anything else besides the elephant in the room. Found ourselves laughing together again today. I know we are far from where we need to be, but just for a few moments, it felt nice for my affair to not be the center of discussion.

I can't control the outcome of my marriage, and loosening the grip on that is scary, but I'd rather focus on something i can control in the moment, which is myself and my personal healing journey. I am trying to live in my present and not stay in the past while trying to control the future. I can control my actions today, and that's been my focus the past couple of days.

I've been trying to find healthy coping mechanisms vs. drinking. It's been 17 days since my last drink, which i realize isn't a long time, but every day without alcohol is a small victory for me.

Been journaling, doing yard work, exercising, and trying to eat healthier. Reading has also been of great comfort to me lately.

I'm trying to practice self-love because at the end of the day, how can I love and respect anyone if im not loving and respecting myself. I feel like respect is where I messed up. Not respecting my marriage, not respecting my wife and ultimately not respecting myself.

Im worthy of self-forgiveness as well as self-love.

I know not every day will feel as good as today, but you gotta take the good with the bad.

Great report!

I love the book "the power of now" by Eckhardt Tolle. It truly changed my life and it is very much about what you are talking about - staying in the present. Learning that our thoughts aren’t us and often lie to us. You sound really good and I think it’s a good time to check it out if you are so inclined.

Congrats on 17 days of sobriety!

It sounds like you're doing lots of "toplines" as they are called in S.L.A.A., and that's great. Do you have any kind of support for your sobriety efforts?

Hiking out: Thank you. It's been rough, but i know my sobriety is worth it & I definitely will check the book out. Thanks for the recommendation. Staying in the now is my focus as well as letting go of what I can't control.

Please be fixable: I dont have any support for my sobriety technically. I live in a very small town. Nothing out here but a post office, gas station, and dollar store. I work in a town thats a hour away from my house, so I googled AA meetings there, but they are all in a sobriety living halfway house, and they all say closed meetings. So im not sure if that means anyone can go or if it's only for the members of the halfway house. Outside of that, I've asked my old drinking buddy not to invite me out anymore and to not show up drunk to my house. It sucks because he's my closest friend so I feel like I kind of alienated myself away from my best friend but I guess if me not drinking keeps him away then maybe we weren't as good as friends as I thought.

I do miss drinking. It's still on my mind daily, but im trying my hardest not to give into the temptation.

Could you find an online meeting?