Mutual friends, work socials and the wider problem...
Im sure many of you have been in this situation and i just need support and to rant. Its something that causes such an impact in the wider picture when AP is a work colleague or has mutual friends and is something that has affected me hugely reconciling with my WH and my anxiety, worrying about people talking and the problem it causes 😔
So WH work collegues - some of them are my friends aswell as WHs and they are really lovely. The issue is some - not all- also get on with AP 🙄🙄😔
There has been some socials with them over the last few months where ive said no to WH going for obvious reasons as AP there. Im pretty sure some of them have got wind something has gone on and also my anxiety about her saying things about me has been sky high. Its awful 😞 I also hate that she is friends with our mutual friends which I cannot change.😞😞😞
People have been asking why hes not been going to any socials as he always always did before - so it makes it more awkward.
More recently WH has celebrated a big birthday and we invited a fair few of them but obviously no invite for her - he also didn't ask some others and people have been talking at work asking why certain people werent invited and shes likely been shit stirring. Saying I dont like her etc. Im still sure he talks to her at work as per my last post aswell but still had no proof.
Its just caused a huge problem and causes me a lot of pain and anxiety and WH dosent get it one bit. His attitude with it is "let them talk" etc. Recently i have got closer to one of them and I may say something myself about AP to make me feel better. This is someone who dosent know her well but who really gets on with us.
Two of them who he is closest to he has told them and admitted what hes done and they were very supportive especially towards me and told him hes an idiot - but the whole situation is a pain in the backside!!!! 
Sorry I just needed to get it out.
Has anyone dealt with this kind of thing? Even if he left the job it wouldn't change the same kind of thing. It just makes me so angry that he caused all this extra worry and stress getting involved with her!!!! Rant over xx
11 comments posted: Thursday, February 5th, 2026
On the verge of giving up
Another row and us not speaking after me bringing up things that hes done which are wrong in terms of reconciling after his EA in summer. 3 seperate occasions I've had to bring up him still interacting with her since D day.
Found out over Christmas he has done a small favour for her at work helping her out with something she lost. This was the last straw for me and its all up in the air again. He just says he was being "nice"
Nice hey. To the mate poaching homewrecker who has come between us this year who he cheated on me with. Nice to the woman who hasnt given a damn about me. helping her yet he can't do things for his own wife. Like cutting her off. He says hes fed up of me bringing it up!!!!! Wtf.
I do not understand him at all and why he just cannot get it into his head. What is wrong with him??????!!!!! WHY can't he see what hes doing is wrong???? Ive had enough
11 comments posted: Friday, January 16th, 2026
Think they are still chatting more lies exposed
I posted on general last week - in between all this we have been trying to reconcile since summer after WH affair with co worker.
Unfortunately hes dropped himself in it recently twice in the last 2 days where I've caught him out and hes blatantly lying about her. I know hes lying as seen things on his phone that point to this happening (he dosent know this ) nothing direct between them but things he has done involving her. When hes supposed to be NO CONTACT .
I think they are still chatting via WhatsApp but ive no proof and im in a position where I dont want to blow things up just before Christmas
My gut is telling me hes unblocking her on whatsapp when hes not at home then re blocking when at home. And they are still involved. Its easily done.
There's no way I could find this out unfortunately unless he accidentally forgot to re block her. Any ideas on how I could or any tactics? It could all just be my anxiety but ive a strong sense it isn't. Its a horrible feeling 😞 in September he admitted he missed chatting to her and the laughs. This really hurt .
Im feeling angry, on edge and anxious but id rather watch and wait for now, I can't do anything else yet :( its also my mums birthday over the Christmas period and I dont want to risk any upset just yet :(
8 comments posted: Thursday, December 18th, 2025
Just a vent needed
Hi all im new and just need to vent.
In June my husband had an emotional affair and sexting with a work colleague, someone who i had warned him about as she is all over the men at work and works night out socials, and her behaviour just made me uncomfortable. Before june, she had started messaging him separately to the work group chat, which I brought up i didn't like and he got defensive, I got the usual speel like "i cant have any female friends, shes just a friend" crap..... Long story short turns out my intuition was spot on and ultimately i found out they had been sexting and emotionally offloading to each other about us, personal things, her to him about her husband who was treating her badly who she had seperated from, then it led to intimate photos being exchanged.. He had lied and hid this from me, went to great lengths to lock her convo on whatsapp, gaslit me and was awful towards me whilst this went on. It all came out by me seeing things on his phone. I was and have been absolutely heartbroken by it all and his behaviour. During all this we have been going through the worst time imaginable with our daughter (14)and her mental health this year. Its truly been awful shes been so poorly💔.Despite all this, ive always been the loyal loving wife, Ive still given him attention, sex etc and ive stood up for things hes been doing which are wrong and know what boundaries are .
So fast forward to now- im still anxious and its taken me weeks to feel better. Ill never forgive or forget but really tried to reconcile. We have had some nice days out and time together. And really trying to rebuild. But theres some big "buts..."
when it all came out I was going to end it all, but I love him and after a lot of tears, us spending some time apart and low points i decided to try and work on it..... when we talked I set ground rules and made him cut her off completely and block her on everything, and made him send her a pm saying I know. He showed me he had done all this and we started to try to move on from it slowly.
The "buts" - there's just something bugging me with the whole thing. And the fact she's still at his place of work. I know your probably going to say he should leave or have left but its a very well paid job, we are struggling and he has lovely work colleagues bar her - its just difficult. He made that choice to get inappropriately involved with her and is now paying the price for it with me clamping down. He's even moaned about work socials now, as I've rightly said I dont want him on any if shes there - he says he won't be able to go to any then as she's at all of them (of course she is she loves attention!) It makes me angry he has caused this situation. It's his fault hes been put in this situation!!!
What really bugs me is she is in a WhatsApp work related group chat with him , still sees him now and then at work which I hate. He has promised he has nothing to do with her if he sees her. He has her blocked on WhatsApp and all social media - but this work related group work chat she still tries to interact with him despite him blocking her. WhatsApp does not block the contact on mutual groups. Im worried they are still chatting. its clear that she still likes him misses chatting to him or trying to interact. Either that or she's just feeling awkward over what's gone on. My husband is very social bubbly and charming and she is likely missing him, either that or they've just took it more underground and still chatting. Which im really anxious about. There's been no proof of this so far but I have seen that she's trying her best to interact with him in the work related chat. I dont understand why she won't leave him alone - as far as hes told me hes cut her off but she's not acting like it or what I suspected she would like a woman scorned.shes that kind of woman. Something isn't adding up.
Im just worried theres been more to it all.I just feel so down with it all and still so upset he did this when we are going through such an upsetting time with our daughter.💔 if things carry on or i find anything else im going to have to be more firm and ask him to leave his job. Im beginning to wish I had back in June. X
27 comments posted: Saturday, December 13th, 2025
