SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Three months into affair, WH went from i want to do therapy to blaming me to saying he isn’t mature enough for marriage to giving me his passwords to just changing to be really cold. Despite being separated in different houses since Dday, i felt something was off. I checked his social media and found him in contact with the same coworker he had a 6 month physical affair with. This is after i put in writing clear boundaries that if he spoke to her again, i would not be doing reconciliation. When i confronted him, he said i was overreacting, then said he was leaving me in limbo to buy time, then said he told her everything and she had access to his email. I have not spoken to him since he except to say he needs to go through my mum or sister for our daughter. I am completely devastated for my daughter. She asks me daily why dad doesn’t come home, why he is at his mums, why he broke his promise and wont fix it. WH has been leaving voicemails on my phone saying all this bullshit that he is sorry, has empathy and hopes Im okay. Its all a load of shit. He said all this when i found out the first time. But for the sake of my daughter, I just wish it was different and she could have a family.

See a lawyer. You need to know how and what to do. You might need to see a dr for temp meds. Cheating causes so much anxiety that you can have access to meds to help you get through this. Try to eat healthy meals. If you can’t use some drinks like Ensure that provide basic nutrition. Go to bed every night at the same time. Your body needs to heal from this trauma.

Accept that he is gone. Right now he is playing with your vulnerabilities. He has shown you who he is…believe him…and let him go.

Your daughter has a family. She has you. Sometimes things don’t go as planned and you have to adjust and re/evaluate.

How you react now to this very ugly situation sets the tone for your daughter. If you see set a clear path and figure out how to make things work, then you are showing her that despite life’s challenges— you will show up and survive.

As someone who was about to be D in the blink of an eye (less than 10 days after Dday my H planned to walk out the door for the OW) I knew I was the only one acting with the best interest of my kids at the time. My H was checked out.

While I understand the horrible situation you are going through, it is important that you put the well being of your child first.

That means your lying cheating H needs to be told exactly what is expected of him as a parent. Not in trying to R or salvage the marriage b/c I feel as though you are talking to a brick wall on that front.

But he needs to be present with your child and make up for his not coming home in every way possible.

If he fails, then it’s on him. And you might want to get professional counseling to get help on how to manage this current t situation w/ your daughter. And if her father fails her, you want to be prepared for that situation as well. And know how to talk to her about it so that you don’t cause further confusion to her.

I hope this helps you. I strongly recommend family counseling for you — and when appropriate (if it should happen) for him as well. May not be together right away, but the adults need to put the child first (whether D or R or whatever).