AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 5:20 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
My WS confronted me yesterday asking if I had posted anonymously on a Facebook group for are we dating the same guy. I have not because it never occurred to me to do that AND I am ashamed of what he did to me and don’t want my business out on Facebook even anonymously. Sometimes I even feel weird sharing here!
Long story short, he said someone he used to work with alerted him but he couldn’t show me the post and he wouldn’t tell me who told him. He said it didn’t matter. But I think it does! First of all, maybe he’s secretly dating more women now. I don’t even know anymore. And I can’t stand him to keep secrets from me after all his lying in the past. I am sad to admit that I didn’t handle it well. I screamed and beat my hands on the counter and generally acted crazy. But I was so angry!!! He left of course because that’s what he does. And I sobbed for awhile and then eventually just went to bed. I hate this person I have become. I’m starting to think I need him to leave for good or I’m never going to get better. What do I do?
[This message edited by AdLarue17 at 5:20 PM, Tuesday, May 13th]
OhItsYou ( member #84125) posted at 5:41 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
First off, find that fb group! Most of those are local to the area you live. Do a bit of searching fb and you may just find it.
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 6:12 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
Why can't he show you the FB post? I would be infuriated too especially that he just leaves because he can't handle your anger, he can't even show you the damn post which wasn't even you 
I didn't like who I became either after my xWS's many A's. It was one of the many reasons why I left. Only you know when it will be the right time to leave. As they say when you are done you will know. I did and there was no coming back from it.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
AdLarue17 (original poster member #84917) posted at 7:52 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
OhItsYou- I looked for the post and I can’t find it anywhere.
AnnieOakley ( member #13332) posted at 9:01 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
The FB group that seems to have the most traction is the one located in New York City. Unlikely as it is a distance, but it doesn’t appear to be limited to just NYC. Lots of men claiming to have been added to the page…🤷🏼♀️
If he is still cheating could have been done by one of them to make him think it is you…just to cause trouble. Classic OW ploy-the OW in my case forgot a hair tie and a small coin purse in my ex’s car that I found. Stupid woman. 🙄
And you can post anomalously on the page.
Ignore him. Take care of you first.
Me= BSHim=xWH (did the work & became the man I always thought he was, but it was too late)M=23+,T=27+dday=7/06, 8/09 (pics at a work function), 11/09 VAR, 6/12 Sep'd, 10/14 Divorced."If you are going through hell, keep going."
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:14 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you are married to someone who is shady.
Normal adults with morals and characters would be respectful and answer the questions asked by their spouse. Even if uncomfortable or awkward.
Given his past you have very little to reconcile with unfortunately. He’s a game player and you appear to have very little trust with him.
You need to change your position in how you interact and move forward. I’d suggest NOT trying to "fix" or "repair" anything. Instead lower your expectations and take care of yourself.
You need to be your own priority. Physical emotional and mental wellness should be focused on you.
Also read up on the 180. It definitely helps when dealing with a continued liar and cheater to stop being so emotionally invested.
He cannot show you the post b/c most likely it was true - two or more women may be dating him. If it wasn’t about him (and was about someone else) he’d have NO REASON not to show you. As I said he’s very shady.
Sorry to be blunt but your rage is understandable. I’d like you to stop being enraged and start to heal yourself. Stop expecting things from your spouse you know he’s not going to give you. Stop falling for the love bombing and manipulative tactics.
It only sets you up for more pain.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 9:21 PM on Tuesday, May 13th, 2025
If he's not going to share the post with you and he won't tell you who alerted him, then he's hiding things from you. There's no way he can spin this in a way that justifies keeping secrets from you.
As for the screaming and flying into a rage, we've all been there. But if you need help composing yourself when you're seeing red, think of it this way: every time you fly off the handle, he sees an opportunity to flee the scene of his crime since you're being "crazy" and "there's no talking to you when you act this way." He might also get an sense of validation from getting an impassioned reaction out of you.
I’m starting to think I need him to leave for good or I’m never going to get better. What do I do?
He's not going to change and he's not going to make this easier on you by choosing to leave on his own accord.
So it's up to you to decide whether the relationship, as it exists right now, is acceptable you. If not, then you will need to be the one to the pull the plug.
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
